Surprise! An artist who shares my love of food but not my skin tone who died way too young once said, “I drop unexpectedly like bird shit.” This line stuck with me.

I know everyone’s here for the degenerate postings about Dozer we all love to read. Which circle of the porcelain throne is he at? Nearing the pipes or back near the seat? The world’s end is measured by the Doomsday clock created by scientists assessing threats from all directions. Dozer’s life is measured on a toilet bowel level. We’re all rooting for him. Who doesn’t love a great underdog story? I applaud him for his latest adventures maintaining a steady path and improving his life while hitting icebergs at a faster pace than the Titanic.

However, this post isn’t about my childhood friend. Despite different paths, we somehow remain solid. Odd how two people can come from the same Quincy roots but end up so different yet relate. I guess we’re just swell gents, or my camouflage of being a degenerate is that much better than his.

Next post we return to your regularly scheduled Dozer toilet bowel programming. Today is an episode from OatisB1.

I’m doing great. Married with kids all the fun things society tells you to do. Get a good job, marry, make money, pop out kids. All checked and done. Didn’t take the most direct path, but I got there.

I’m typing this in my office late at night, the ceiling fan spinning loudly, my first thought: “I’ll have to call someone tomorrow to fix it.” I didn’t mention the 3,000 square feet to flex I’m just giving context to where I am. (Had to clarify as I re-read this) Time is the most valuable thing for me now, no longer money. I always have shit to do. That’s the brilliant part about being married and a responsible adult. Work is always calling. Family and friends play tug-of-war with your time. Somewhere in that chaos of being the object and having very little say in the matter, you forget who you are.

In our 20s we would board hard, snort hard, and drink hard. Party, live it up. The future seemed bright. You tend to lose people who made you who you are. They get married, have kids, and you start seeing them less and less. Calendars don’t sync anymore like they used to. No hard feelings life just pulled us in different directions but you lose yourself and life molds you into something else.

Do you guys remember the days we used to board hard? When Chilk and Biscuits posts popped and DJ Jon was an internet celebrity. How about the TinyChat days when minds came together and for a brief period it looked like the internet was going to change everything? People from different parts of the world sitting down, conversing, giving each other different perspectives and of course flashing titties and Skyping hard. Gosh, those were some fun wholesome times that would get us all cancelled in this era.

Whyam I ranting now? I find myself drinking more. I went through most of my life not enjoying alcohol or weed. I always wanted to be energized. Now in my 40s I find myself drinking more and more. The alcoholic gene is strong in me. It’s funny how I can go from not drinking for 12 years to slamming back 32 beers. You start craving it and you find yourself making excuses. “Oh, this humid heat. Oh, this party. Oh, I don’t feel like drinking anything sweet.” This stuff is dangerous. Or maybe I just want to blame it on my genetics.

My father: an alcoholic. My grandpa on one side: a womanizing alcoholic. (The apple doesn’t…) My grandpa on the other side: a famous music conductor celebrated to this day but… still an alcoholic. That got personal, didn’t it? Too personal. I’ve forgotten the rules of the internet don’t self-doxx, you clown.

Is it possible I’m drinking to find an out? That I’m secretly not happy, just existing for the sake of existing? I am reminiscing and typing, reflecting on my internet days. With no real audience other than the Google Spider crawler or by the time someone does read this I could be dead or in a different chapter of my life yet here I am kind of like that shit jock who peaked in high school reflecting.

This might be the last interaction I write as the Oatis character, so let me say a few quick thoughts as I close this ramble. I always was the king of run-on sentences.

There will never be a return to the glory days of TinyChat or the boarding days of that other oats place. We are living in the new era and it’s passed most of us by now. Much like the old boomers who speak so highly of the past and how good things were, the digital trends have passed us by. It’s nobody’s fault but the person in the mirror. Life pulled you away and the web adapted and changed on you. Spent time with the people who have time for the net and adapted and changed. So Skubidy Doo and consume brainrot material that’s all there is to it if you want to remain here or might as well make the best of your real life because chances are your internet life is gone and Ai will be coming for your real one all too soon. Somehow, if you’re still hanging on…

Hi Corey! I’m talking to you! Get off and touch grass.

Fuck– maybe it wasn’t our fault the internet changed while we pursued happiness in real life. Maybe it was the centralization of the internets. We can’t board because everyone’s facing the book or gramming it up. Food for thought.

Take care. OatisB1 out.

Anyone else feel like the internet we loved just… left without saying goodbye? Drop a line if you’re still out there.