Saturday I spent the day bored. I wanted to drink so bad. Christina thinks I’m just using her as a fuck buddy. Lauren thinks I’m narcissistic/nuts, plus she’s going through hard times medically and is nowhere near ready to date. I want none of that because she’s moody and not very friendly.

So today is Sunday and I had one hell of an adventure. I met this wacky, 50 year old Korean dude named Miles in rehab a week ago. Along with another dude named Ed, we head out to this blondies’ house deep into the ghetto. I volunteered to help my buddy Miles move her “girlfriends” furniture because I am that fucking bored with sobriety. Apparently Miles has known her for awhile because they use to be neighbors. Oh yeah, also, he use to buy drugs from her. Not to mention that her boyfriend just went to jail for stealing a toolbox, which explains why the rent hasn’t been paid.

When we arrive, there’s this older dude loading up his truck. His story is that he buys speed from her among many other illegal substances. Though he’s glad we brought the muscle (my muscles) to help out. The blondie, Jessica, and this brunette, Jill, are in the bedroom putting stuff in boxes. I whisper to Ed, “these broads look nothing like their facebook pictures you showed me yesterday. They’re disgusting with acne all over their faces.” Anywho, we proceed to load up the furniture into the bed of the truck. These bitches are hungover and are rude as fuck. I see a syringe on the fuckin floor, so miles grabs it, nods at me, then tosses it into the trash. All in all, we stack the bed of the truck like jenga. As we were lifting the dresser up, a drawer falls out and Jessica’s unwashed panties rain onto Ed’s face.

Us 4 dudes, the fantastic 4, take the load to her storage unit to unload. The others take stuff they think they can sell, “you want that metal detector? take it. she’s not going to know.” When we get back to the house, the dude with the truck is arguing on the phone about money, and how he has 5 kids to feed. He pressures Jessica to give her some gas money. Ed goes around the house, looking for metal to scrap. Miles and I are helping box up stuff in the bedroom. Miles asks Jill, “are you Jessica’s sister? you kinda look alike.” I laugh, “Jessica has blond hair; she has black!” Miles strikes back with, “ah ha! scoping her out I see.” Jill gently blushes, “he’s not scoping me out, no way.” Under my breath I, “damn right.”

Anyways, the meth head truck guy and Jessica take the grill and turkey roaster to sell, while Miles and I decide to hit up the gas station. My buddy Ed decided to stay back to help Jill wash dishes LOL. Apparently Jill owes Jessica for drugs, hence why she’s up this early doing Jessica’s dishes.

On the way to the gas station I tell Miles that this skank is using you because you have a car and because you do things for her without question. You need to step up and take that well-earned pussy. Anyone can grab a ticket to get in line, but you need to claim your baggage too! She even knows she owes you that pussy. It’s well overdo. I can see it. Look at that dude who brought that truck, he claimed his luggage, applied pressure, and got gas money. Don’t let her use you. Don’t be a chump.

We hit up the gas station so I can get my second energy drink of the day. If you must know, I got 5 spicy breaded wings to go as well. Miles gets a call then tells me “the crazies in town are now just getting up from their high last night. get ready!” So we pick up some junkie at this sleezball motel. Her name is Jessica, Jessica 2 we call her. She’s a disgusting slut, but I can tell she had her day to shine until this drug shit sucked the life out of her. She asks if the car is registered and if Miles has insurance. This upstanding citizen has 4 warrants out for her arrest.

The ride to the destination is projected to be 30 minutes. We all shoot the shit. Jessica 2 firmly states, “that bitch Jessica needs to give up that pussy already, Miles, you do so much for her.” lol.

When we arrive to not only the ghetto, but the ghetto of the ghetto. This broad gets out the car, gives the black guy dealer money. Black guy comes back out and hands her $90 worth of dilaudid. We drive back to drop her off at the hotel. I’m pretty sure you’ve all seen something like this go down in various movies before. No need to go through all the details here. However, what they don’t show in the movies is the driver, Miles, getting 20 bucks just to drive the addict to make a pickup. And they definitely don’t show Miles buying me my third energy drink at the gas station 🙂

As we get back to the house to meet up with Ed and Jessica, Miles and I go around the side of the house to take a piss. In the process, we both step in dog shit. We go to the back to try to scrape it off. I have a lot of tread under my boots and can’t get the dog shit off. The dog has dog shit and bugs living on him. While Miles is struggling with the hose, I go to the bathroom, grab a towel and try to wipe it out. It’s not getting it all! I go to the living room, grab a pen and do better, but still not good enough! In the bathroom I grab Jessica’s tooth brush, brush the tread under running water and, wala, all fucking gone! I then put the toothbrush back exactly where I found it lol.

Later Miles and I leave again to head to his storage unit to get new shoes because he can’t get the shit out. Ed insisted that he stay back. Miles informed me about what went down. Apparently during our last trip, Ed made a move for Jessica. Jessica told Miles that she’s going to be moving in with Ed. So after about 2 hours of meeting Jessica, Ed insisted that she move in with him when he gets his apartment next week lol. Miles was in total shock that Ed had no manners nor the respect for him. I point at sneaky’s bar and grill, “That’s Ed’s place.” “We should go to the dollar store and buy them a wedding present.” The jokes kept flowing out of me, and believe me they were so very funny. Heh.

We pick up this other dude at a hotel, and he was black. I was scared at first because he had the presence of dr. dre. He question marks Miles, “I didn’t know there was going to be a passenger.” Miles vibes “ah don’t worry about him he’s cool.” So I was trying to be cool now, but I froze up because I was thinking too much. I wanted to put my arm out the window to make it seem I was calm and relaxed, but I didn’t have it in me. So I just cuddled my hands together and stayed quiet. Miles started telling the black guy about Ed stealing his girl. This is when my arm went out the window to surf the breeze. I made some funny jokes again, returning to the comfort zone.

We pull up into some gated community, park, then let the black guy out. Ten minutes later some heavyset black woman invites us into her home. We reluctantly follow. I was so nervous. I’ve never been raped. Anywho, she has one condition- we take off our shoes. Miles’ shoes still has shit on it, and we forget to get his other pair out of the storage unit. This heavyset broad has OCD. Her place is spotless. The black guy is there, and we’re all just shooting the shit, waiting for the drugs. This lady won’t shut up, but she’s cool and I feel bad for her how lonely she is. The drugs are outside; the lady retrieves them. 5 minutes later we leave (Miles leaves his leather jacket there by accident). The black dude makes us stop at checkers. At this point I’m starting to develop a headache.

Later we pick up Jessica and Ed behind the biff burger. Jessica wants to drive. She looks tense. Apparently they had their own little adventure while we were gone. She got a call that there was a warrant out for her arrest and that the cops were on their way there now. She was charged with accessory to her boyfriend’s crime. Ed and Jessica went out the back, meeting us at the biff burger. Then she ends up driving us to Jill’s place. She disappears for 20 minutes. I tell Miles to go fucking get her and to take me back. I’m not staying out ‘til curfew, wasting my entire day. She comes back lit the fuck up. A new wobble in her drive. We hit up Walgreens because she wants me to get her sudafed. Her quota for the month has exceeded the milligram limit. We went to 2 different walgreens and walmart. It’s Sunday, which means the pharmacy is closed. Ed pets his headache and thanks me for cutting this adventure short.

When I get back, this broad in rehab, Elise, pressures me to tell her what happened and why no one answered their phones. All I told her was that Jessica is moving in with Ed. lol. She impulsively calls up Ed, “you said my dogs could move in with you next week. I don’t want no crack whore around my dogs!” Then she comes up to me, “what does this Jessica bitch look like!”

An hour later I talk with Miles outside. He tells me that he’s done with Jessica and is going to break up with her lol. She wanted to get more dees after they dropped us off, with no appreciation for miles, thinking the world revolves around her. She was yelling at him, threatening to start walking, but Miles calmed her down, then tried to explain that’s why every night at this time you have nothing but shit to deal with. You’re not even sure of where you’re staying tonight. All in all, he drops her off at her sisters, sighing “that’s it” with this bitch.

Just now Elise knocked on my door, giving me her leftover Chinese food, talking about how Ed hasn’t had any pussy in years. I tell her to buy him a pocket pussy. She says maybe but he’s going to think of me when he uses it. Then she starts twirling her hair, “I know they say you’re not suppose to date anyone while in rehab……” My mind goes blank as I contemplate sobriety and whether or not I should throw out this Chinese food.