So this sobriety thing is interesting. I have a solid foundation now and I just don’t want to do it; and being on colors via probation just reinforces that. The mood swings are less severe and I got my clarity. I’ve accomplished so much 13 months sober I’m actually impressed with myself for once. I want to keep this new shit going. It’s a good feeling; and things have happened that keep surprising me. I can always be California sober and get my card and smoke. But I don’t have the urge for that right now. I relapsed in 2023. Thought I could do the gummies at the smoke shop. 2 days later I was out drinking. A week later I was on cooper st smoking crack in a shed. A week after that I had a needle in my arm banging fentanyl. There’s no going back at this point. I have become too aware of the entropic drift. The spiral with me is real and brutal. And that was just the last time. Before that in 2020 I jumped out of a 60mph car with my slippers on and off the bridge in Cape Coral.. in a wheel chair for a month after doing meth. Then the 13 other times before that. There was a coma in 2006; an overdose in theater in 2007, etc etc. The key here is to be a newbie like you and FASTTRACK learning your lesson. Reanchor your identity. It starts with awareness and active selection. Choosing one thought eliminates countless alternatives. Don’t go through a resume of tragedies before you “get” it. Learn from that speeding ticket or divorce lol. Play the tape of your life out after your “rock bottom”. Emotional reconfiguration.

The first year of sobriety was phase one: the foundation. The old anchor shaped by a year of sober reinforcement; new choices reflecting a new reality. The second phase of positive momentum is what im stepping into now. The architecture polished with a self-sustaining momentum. A restructured identity anchored in clarity. Sustained coherence overwriting the old reality. Nowhere but up. Uncharted territory. Understanding entropic drift frees you from the illusion of failure. Phase 2.5 is vigilance and ego dismantlement. The Sufis call it fans. Kill the false self. I do not “got this,” as they say. Phase three: SHEER FIRE