This world is becoming crystal clear to me. We are nobodies trying so hard to be somebodies. Our galaxy is like a pebble on a beach, lost in the sand among other pebbles. I’m no astrophysicist, but there is no significance to this life. There are give or take 200 billion galaxies in this universe, with up to 10,000 planets that fit the atmospheric potential to sustain life. Does that not boggle your fucking mind? And I’m definitely modest when I throw out these numbers here, considering the lack of knowledge science has afforded us.

Anyways, yeah, the darkness definitely fucking deepens. Today I was at the gym and saw people act like they were actually somebody. They go around nodding and acknowledging other people pretending to be cool. Like Hey I know you. People persons. Then there was this douchebag that was clearly working out chest because it was chest day. Out of nowhere he starts doing heavy compound exercises like squats and deadlifts, stressing form, making it into a spectacle. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. What a miserable, bitter asshole I am. Am I suppose to go around all day and let it bug me?

We live and then we die. Am I suppose to just drift around all day being negative towards this pointless reality. Maybe I should pull the “existential crisis” tampon out of my vagina and view the world differently.

Why can’t I just be nobody. It’s never been more clear to me, ever, that’s what I want to do with my life. I want to live off the grid, with no name and be nobody. I want to smash this ego into oblivion and wither away peacefully. I want to live my life. Fuck these other people and their “get in where you fit in” laws. You’re not special. I’m aware of the bullshit this humanity brings, yet I’m not special. Feel the misery.

Right now I’ve never felt more free in my life. One, the knife of probation is not to my throat. Two, I am living without the complications of romance. I do whatever the damn well I please without having to yield to the exigencies of emotion or the plans of some woman. I have a death sentence, yes, but maybe that’s the only true way to live. Tackle the bullshit head-on.

Two questions I want you to marinate on:

Why can’t you just be nobody?

and

Why evolve when you can go sideways?