So there’s this new girl I met 2 weeks ago right when I got out of jail. Hit it off good and she caught feelings:

“ You definitely got me thinking about you. Needles to say I like you..Alot. I like your charisma, your personality, I like your wisdom, extremely handsome, I love your sexy voice… I love that your smart and obviously that you have the gift if gab. I like that you have been through a lot and you are still finding your way. When I see you again I’d probably sink my nails into your shoulders and never release…. Claiming you for mine…. Hopefully … One day I’ll get the chance…. Thank you for being a light in the dark and making me smile when I shed so many tears just moments before. Until next time babe Xo Nina Xo”

“ You too have placed countless thought bubbles over my mind… I keep thinking about your very sexy smile… The great amount of pleasure slowly biting and nibbling on it until you opened it gently, allowing me to kiss you softly and passionately. Making my way to your jaw with light nibbles and kisses, continuing down to your neck. Blighting a bit harder on the chest but not to hard. Kissing your stomach … And looking up into your eyes for approval as I pull your boxers off…

To be. Continued…. Lol xoxo my handsome military man xoxo Hope you will be thinking of me <3”

I was on a high and didn’t know what to make of it. I told Oatis about it and I thought he set me straight:

“ Hahahaha that’s nice bro but is she worth it though? Like is she on the up and coming or is she just looking for a man. Is she improving her life and trying to better herself or is she content with herself and just wants a man? We are at the point in our lives where we are the prize. We don’t chase broads they chase us it’s just something that happens in your 40s now. Don’t be like someone we know and just settle. It’s what I’m saying you need to make sure she provides you value not the other way around. And that value isn’t a clam to slide in. Her value needs to be something else like does she have a good job is her life on the up trajectory? I mean she’s writing you romantic novels and you getting gitty. You already feel like you owe some commitment to her. I’m not saying dismiss her she might be a good fit for you but look at all the angles. I’m guessing her life has been in turbulence since her tits grew out and she’s been making all the wrong decisions. Now she meets you and sees you talking some wisdom to her making some jokes. She sees your stock growing and she wants to as she put it cling her nails in you. Anyways just make sure you don’t step on that land mine again is what I’m saying so before you get gitty with this new girl look at all the angles. I’m not saying not to hit it but don’t catch feelings. You are vulnerable right now. Straight out of jail partially property of the county still with the ridiculous fucking curfews and checks. Don’t fall into someone’s arms just for the comfort because that could be your downfall. Have her be your consistent just don’t commit to dumbass labels and recognize when she tries to take from you. It will start out small like can you uber me burrow me blah blah blah keep your walls up. She’s the first to see value and admit to it there will be more.”


He’s clearly right. I need to get back to my normal self. I need to get perspective and snap out of this virgin take-any-relationship desperate mentality. What would Dozer do? skipthegames.com? Nah I know too many whores from my other life. I call up this hooker Naomi I’ve known for years and use to do drugs with. Sarah answers and tells me she’s in jail. I’m like that’s kind of a relief because last time I couldn’t get away from Naomi. She tied my time up for 3 days and that in itself is another story that ended with her crying and telling me she loved me and not to leave her. A hooker telling me this lol. So this Sarah girl that answers the phone has a matter-of-fact docile personality and nondramatic. I Uber her 25min to me 2 blocks away. Yeah. Not my first rodeo. I text her in 2 minutes your Ubers going to drive by me and you’re going to see me walking (I’m in blue). You’re going to be dropped off then walk to me and walk with me to my house a block away. So I vet Sarah. Yep. 90 pounds. Looks okay for her age. Druggie. But matter of fact. No drama. Dressed like an absolute hooker though.. boots, skimpy outfit, dolled up. We walk to my driveway and my father is watering the lawn and looks over at us LOL. I tell Sarah to wave and keep walking to my travel trailer in the backyard. We sit outside for a little bit smoking; her a cigarette, me my vape. We vibe. She tells me everything and I mean everything because I use to live in the junkie world and she knows it. She tells me about life at trailer park sun coast. Her pimp. Her fiancé in jail. She shows me texts from her drug dealer. Tells me the drug dealer wants to fuck her but she won’t do it. We talk about her fetty use and how she has to get off by the time her fiancé gets out of jail. I give her advice how I did it. Then she pulls out a bubble and asks if she can smoke meth. Fuck. I feel uneasy. Then she pulls out a crack pipe and hits a rock. The fuck, man. Now she won’t shut up. We talk prices and I brag about the dark web. I glorify I can get an ounce for $300 plus 50 express shipping. She tells me she gets an 8ball of fetty for $150. Not bad for this area. I start reminiscing. She says she’s never been arrested ever because she’s docile. No record. I joke keep transporting drugs in Ubers lol.  She asks me if I play because the pokerGo channel is on my tv. She just won’t shut up and keeps hitting pipe. I finally stop partaking in any back and forth and just repeat “yea yea” every ten seconds. I put the $100 on the kitchen counter. She pretends she didn’t notice and tells me how a girl overdosed her on purpose with 20mL of dilaudid. Then I finally say you want to get this done so you can get out of here because I don’t feel right not being able to smoke any crack with you. She matter of fact asks where do you want me. We go to the bedroom. She says what do you want me to do you got to tell me. This is a straight shooter. Very dispassionate. I lay on the bed and she blows me. My cock hardens every 30 seconds until it expands to full capacity.She feels good being 90 pounds. Pretty good skin and bone structure for a junkie. I grab her hair and pull her head up. It feels like we’re both being raped and don’t want to do this. This is so weird. I tell her to get on top and she tells me make sure to pull out when you’re about to cum. We both keep trying to tilt our heads away from each other as to not accidentally kiss each other. I cum in 2 minutes and pull her up off my dick by her armpits. She hits her head because my queen bed is enclosed in a cove in my trailer. She goes to the bathroom. I tell her to grab me a baby wipe and she struggles to find the cabinet right in front of her on the wall. I clean my dick. It burns. We go to the living room. I give her another $40 and sarcastically say I’m not cheap…Which is an unspoken code to never contact me again. I tell her Uber will be here in 2 minutes but we’re going to wait right here until it actually arrives (you’re dressed like an absolute hooker in a retirement neighborhood). I walk her to the front of the house as my father blasts hillbilly music inside his house. I let her walk to the car and we both “laters.”

Back in the day a story like this would be written with more vigor and the red pill community would cheer me on. I would feel whole instead of broken. It’s just not the same anymore. I’ve crossed a bridge in my life and can’t get excited like the old Dozer. There’s just no going back to the way things were. My moral compass is killing me with guilt I did this to Nina who’s in love with me. Why did I do this. I don’t feel right. Nina’s new but it has progressed at a compounded rate which would normally take a year the way I established myself with her with such a magical inspired foundation in just 2 weeks. But it’s exactly that. We’re not even in anything. But it’s the fact that I know and that the universe knows I did this. I tarnished what I had here with Nina. But she can never know. I fucked up but I’ll get it right. I want what Oatis has. Established pussy without always having to be on the hunt. Sobriety makes you emotional, bro. 

Nina called me but I didn’t answer. Her last text was from last night:

”I hope I creep into your dreams like a sexy infiltrator lol… Hands behind your head…. Do not move sir…. Lol … Sweet dreams handsome xo”

I can’t face her. Haven’t talked to her once today. Why am I so ashamed with my behavior today. This doesn’t even make my top 100 lifelong list of disgusting behavior. Am I new person now? Is this a new bridge I’m about to cross?

I gotta go. My buddy Adams coming over right now. He sold his bike for 3 grand and has it stashed here

… …

Yup his girlfriend broke up with him after a month (because he asked her to pray with him wtf) and he doesn’t understand it. I invited him to the gym Friday and told him I have a girl for him. I told him to just keep up the lie that I was in Dubai rather than jail this past year. Lying is a strategy 😀