What is the purpose of my life bro other than to run in circles. There’s nothing for me here. I saw my kid in Tampa last weekend he wouldn’t even go to tao food one block from his house. They don’t need me at all. It’s better I don’t even get in the way. It hurts because there’s nothing else for me here. Then Heather finally blocked me and called the cops. Trolled her pretty good😂 then another cop wants information on Adam Wolff. He came to my house like 2 times and then called me but I kept dodging him. Haven’t been home in 3 days. Then Al told him exactly where I was at. I’ll never talk to him again. How can someone fold in a half second like that. And I visited this dude in the hospital every day when he was in a coma.

I got a date tonight in fort myers with a girl named Keziah. But what does it even matter at this point. I mean I guess I can finally get some sleep and recap the tragedy of my life while on vacation.. if I even make it to this vacation. Then I was just in Sarasota visiting this girl I’ve known 15 years. She’s been in the hospital since June. Frank a wish foundation. Felt good I guess to make someone feel better that admires me. But I got flooded with memories because I did crack in this same hospital in a bathroom in the outpatient clinic in 2018. I almost went to this guy Dre’s house in Bradenton but decided not to make the left turn last second. But what the heck am I without my ego and arrogance. What the fuck am I doing man. The fuck is the point of any of this

There’s absolutely nothing here for me. No family that needs me. 1 friend in Oatis I talk on the phone with every day but he’s going to Dubai next week. The fellowship in AA is a joke. Everyone thinks they’re awakened and know everything. When shit hits the fan I won’t even remember their names.

God is dead. Neschiche had it right

I might get married tonight in Naples just to be funny because I have nothing that matters to me anymore and maybe that will resuscitate meaning in this world. I am too far gone to make a real comeback. I have permanently amputated my potential and any hope of a normal meaningful life. I will never be able to get to relax. Becoming the kingpin on this vacation won’t be enough to entertain me this time. There’s only one real final way to relax. I set myself back too far to recover here. I’m like a amputated lizard 🦎 squirming for dear life until movement ceases.